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Lost Without My Best Friend
Sep 6, 2008 | 12:22 PM PST
Category:
Faith
That's my best
friend Alan with his kids last time they were in town. We lost him last Sunday, he was only 29. He used to get
seizures and we think he must have had one in his sleep. The doctors
said it was an aneurysm.
I just need to tell more people what a great guy he is and how much I love him and miss him.
2 Pages Of How Dearly I Love Alan and How Much I Miss Him
I may be among Alan’s newest friends having only known him for a little
over three years, but me and Alan were very close. We talked every
single day sometimes several times a day, any time of the day or night
about anything and everything. Sometimes very deep spiritual
philosophical stuff, or art, or music, sometimes very personal issues
that we knew we could only trust/ be completely honest with each
other about, sometimes just to get the other’s honest opinion about
stuff. Or to ask each other for a favor or a ride or a little cash til
payday and (we both always said yes whenever at all possible!) Or just
to check on each other or ask for company on a drive, or a buffer for
awkward scenarios. Or to acclimatize each other up to current with our
other friends (ok, maybe that’s gossip! Hehe but only nice things) or
about anything exciting or dull or wonderful or terrible that just
happened, or to find out the name of a song or movie or to say ‘Guess
who I ran into?’ or to finish each other’s sentence or to remind each
other to take our vitamins or even to say I’ll call you later. We would
talk for hours and both saying ‘bye’ but then each having one more
thing to say for the next few hours, or sometimes less than a few seconds
(like ‘Don’t forget! 4:00!)
We always stopped by if we were in the other’s neighborhood (I always
have different colored ink ball point pens and other art stuff handy
just for Alan) I’m a big fan of his artwork and we had planned to
preserve it safely on a disk and frame some prints and copyright it for
him. Even if we weren’t at home but both near the same anyplace, we had
to have a visit. We could have fun grocery shopping, or staring at
reptiles while one of us is getting bit by a ferret in PetSmart!, or
taking out the trash, or jumping on the hood of my car to squash out
the dents! We could be standing at a busy place with one of us all
dressed up and the other all slobbed out so oddly paired and neither of
us would even notice. (I could go on x's infinity with reasons why I consider
Alan my best friend….!)
When I first met Alan I thought he seemed very cool. Then the more I
got to know him the more I realized, he really actually is cool.
There’s no acting involved, no imitations, no fake personality, no
forced-efforts. This guy truly is cool by nature. He defines coolness.
The kind of guy you just wanna hang around all the time because he can
turn dull into interesting, boredom into an adventure, and always have
you laughing out loud until your stomach is sore.
And he always lent me a compassionate ear and a shoulder cry on whether
I was having a meltdown-crisis or I just needed a hug or someone to
allow me to complain, he never minded a bit, either, just let me
unleash and never judged me and always made me feel better. Oh, and on
any subject of knowledge that interested him, the dude was a walking
encyclopedia/reference book/library/instruction manual, etc. -But only
if it interested him.
It didn’t take me long to become closer to him than I’ve ever been with
any of my lifelong friends. I’ve come to rely on his active listening
and truthful, caring advice and the way he always gave 100% compassion
and understanding to a friend. He’s such a huge part of my life I feel
like part of me died with him. I’ve become so very attached to him. I
really just don’t know how to live in a world without my dear Alan. I
was completely unprepared for this. My heart is breaking and I feel sad
and there’s a chance I could become rather discombobulated.
I saw big changes happening to Alan in the past few months especially.
Good changes. He was letting go of the past hurts that had haunted him
and shifted his energy to more important things, like relationships
with the ones who really matter. His kids. His Dad and Mom – family. He
also expressed to me on numerous occasions that he was seeking a
closer, more personal and meaningful relationship with God and how he’s
starting to understand why that kind of true peace is so valuable, and
how it seemed like God was revealing wisdom to him bit by bit sometimes
more when and how it applied to him, and he saw other people having
different experiences and God having personal lessons for each of us
because we are all different people at different stages.... And he
talked about forgiving others and even forgiving himself for some of
the bonehead stunts he wishes he could take back and hurt feelings
and/or repercussions he’s been powering through that have gotten a lot
easier. I had no idea how few of these types of chats we had left. On
the first ring I still keep thinking its him and then I remember he
won’t be calling me on the phone or walking up my staircase anymore. I
can’t pick up the phone and say ‘put it on channel 11!’ or ‘I bet Alan
would get a kick out of this, let me get him one’ or ‘I just can’t wait
for Alan to see this!’ It’s really going to take some time getting used
to.
Here is something that has been comforting for me. Truly this is a
series of divine miracles, Alan patched up all his relationships in his
last few months here. These are just a couple of examples: > Alan
was doing really well, his folks
were real glad about that and they had a lot more peace. > Alan was
making it a priority to have good relationships with his
family, and in the process they became much closer where there had been
some quarreling, some unspoken words, and hurt feelings for a long
time. > He also got to spend time with his kids and they got to
spend
time with him and make such a lovely memory to have and to cherish. He
was so happy that he recorded their laughter on his phone and played it
for me. I know they were very happy. I’m so glad they had that time
together and that he did all that before
he had to go. > Friends that he had not been talking to told me that
they had just talked to him a week or two before he died, and some of
them were friends that he had been sorta fighting with for whatever
reason and they made peace.
I know I’ll always cherish last weekend (the 23rd & 24th). That was
the last time we really just took a
fun leisurely goof-off day and we hung out with Meredith and Robin and
went to get an appointment to see the monk early Saturday morning. Then
we got
some Sonic coffee ice shakes (Alan's treat!) and we listened to music
and
laughed in the car til the Dollar General opened and he got some art
supplies and we tried on sunglasses and got gardening supplies then
came to my place and we all had a really nice visit. It was
a perfect day, like a gift to all of us. Then the next day
I brought some milk thistle over to Alan's office and we wound up having
this long deep spiritual conversation about
religion and God and love and people and society and Christ, and I
really loved
listening to what’s in his heart.
But the thing that brings me the most comfort to know is that Alan
didn’t suffer. I thank God for that. Thank you Jesus. Alan left his
body gently and peacefully, he just drifted off to sleep and didn’t
wake up.
I can still feel his spirit peaking over my shoulder, even several
times today and I know he’s smiling because I hear the laugh. Love you
Alan. I really wish you would’ve waited for me, but I’ll catch up with
you when I finish up here. I’m sure we’ll both have a lot to talk
about. Please visit every chance you get. I’ll try not to be too dull....
East To West by Casting Crowns
Jul 22, 2008 | 12:11 PM PST
Category:
Faith
"East To West" by Casting Crowns
This song touched my heart (again) this morning, and I'd like to share it with you.
I
saw them in concert a few months ago. My sister treated me, my husband,
and my Dad to the show at the Toyota Center. God was smiling on her
that day. She had to buy last minute tickets, and we got to sit down in
front because some "will-call" tickets were not picked up.
Here is a link to the video which is posted on YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyoVJfADlwo
And just read these touching lyrics:
Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight
I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now as
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day the war begins
*End*less reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your truth Is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way
Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other
I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding on to you
But your holding on to me
Your holding on to me
Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
(The arms of your mercy I find rest)
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other (x2)
(Just how far, the East is from the West) (x3)
From one scarred hand to the other
Lucky To Be Alive- Update
Apr 24, 2008 | 1:44 PM PST
Category:
Faith
I was in a terrible near-fatal car accident in June 2000, and until a few days ago I thought I would never fully recover.
(My mangled car after a 100mph head-on collision, assuming we were both doing the speed limit [I was.] The speed limit was 50.)
The
accident happened in New Jersey on Rt 9. I was hit head-on by an
elderly driver who had a stroke at the wheel. I suffered many serious
injuries from bones to organs:
-multiple breaks and fractures to both arms and both legs
-fractured skull
-multiple pan-facial breaks and fractures to my jaw, nose, eye
-ruptured spleen and intestines-multiple breaks and fractures to my ribs
-collapsed lung
-multiple contusions and lacerations
I
endured a tracheotomy (a hole in the throat with a tube to breath
through), an intro-gastric feeding tube (a hose through the abdomen
directly into the stomach that they squirt liquid food into), a
breathing tube into my collapsed lung, and my jaw was wired shut.
I laid in a hospital bed with tubes in me and wrapped in casts for nearly four months.
(RWJU Hospital NJ, 3 weeks after the accident)
When
they took off the wires from my mouth I still couldn't talk- not
because of the physical injury, but because of the brain injury. I had
to "remember" how to talk.
I also nearly lost my right eye, I still can't identify smells, and I have only 30% hearing in my right ear.
(Recent X-Ray showing titanium hardware)
Later
my body rejected the titanium implants and they shot out of my knees
and ankles and had to be surgically removed (there was metal protruding
out of my skin).
(With doctor at the rehabilitation hospital)
It took me years to learn how to do everything again. They initially
wouldn't let me get up because I literally didn't have a leg to stand
on, and because both arms were also broken I wasn't allowed to try
crutches until the doctors were comfortable with the healing progress
my bones were making.
The
accident was in New Jersey, and in New Jersey they have strict laws to
prevent law-suit abuse. I was awarded the maximum allowed by law in the
state of New Jersey: $250,000.00 in medical and $250,000.00 in cash.
The first week at the hospital my bill was already over $400,000.00.
The courts took two years to award me my settlement, and the medical
was all used up by then, plus I was in a lot of debt from not being
able to work. (I applied for SSI, but was declined).
(Benefit my family held for me)
By
the time I paid my lawyer, got out of debt, and paid for the advances I
had needed from my trust fund to pay my for my rent and bills, there
wasn't much left to live on in the very expensive New Jersey economy,
especially since I couldn't work and had no medical insurance money
left in my PIP account and was still undergoing surgeries. I applied
for SSI again in 2005 to try and get my medical paid for, but was
declined again. So here it is nearly eight years later and I'm
medically where I left off when I ran out of funds.
But here is the good news!
After
all of this time that I have been in medical limbo, I am finally going
to get my surgeries done. The pastor at our church had an epiphany a
few months ago when St. Luke's was there for one of their blood drives.
She knew my situation and we had all been praying about it. She gave us
a call later that Sunday and said "Hey, how about if I put in a request
at St. Luke's for Debs' surgeries to be done as a charity?" So we
started the paperwork that week, and just this past Monday we got the
call that they have accepted her request and my case, and they are
ready to proceed!
HALLELUJAH! I can hardly believe it, I
have waited so long for this. It is so hard to believe that it is
really actually going to happen, but it really is- and I am so
overwhelmed with joy! God bless Pastor Janie, Emmanuel Episcopal
Church, St. Luke's Episcopal Hospital, and everyone who contributes to
these causes.
This is an example of what the Bible refers to as
"the body of Christ". It's when we all do our part and always put God
first and next our fellow man, and sometimes we are the givers and
sometimes we are the receivers, but both are equally just as important-
and rewarding.
Prayer really does work. Thank the Lord.
Happy Birthday, NAVKANT!!
Apr 11, 2008 | 4:52 PM PST
Category:
Faith
Happy Birthday to My Dear Sweet Husband,
our fellow Fox Blogger
Navkant!!
We don’t have much money this year, but Navkant is so easy
to please. As long as he has butter for his bread, sugar for his milk, a pot of
rice and a pot of lentils, he’s happy. A cold beer at the end of the day and some video games, and he’s thrilled!
Maybe we’ll go to the park today and sit by the water at
sunset. That will be sweet and romantic, and FREE!
Happy Birthday!
I love you, Honey.
Your loving wife, Debs
(or as you bloggers know me as, "TexasDebs")
Wonderful News
Mar 22, 2008 | 2:09 AM PST
Category:
Faith
Hello, my Fox blogger friends.
I know I haven't been around much lately, sorry. I hope some of you have missed me!! haha!!
Anyway, I have wonderful news that I just had to share with you guys. My husband is getting baptized tomorrow, and I am re-affirming my faith in Christ. There will be a ceremony and the family is coming- it's a pretty big step we are taking together that we have been preparing for for quite a while, and now the day is finally here and we are both filled with joy.
I really miss you guys! God bless you all, too, and I'll try to get over here more often like I used to. Hope all is well.
Junior's Wheel Chair
Jan 26, 2008 | 12:12 PM PST
Category:
Faith
Junior’s
Wheel Chair
I’d
like you all to meet my friend, Mr. Junior Quinn.
Mr.
Quinn is 53 years old and he has worked as an independent contractor selling
the Houston Chronicle to passing motorists for the past 17 years, and he really needs a new chair.
I first met Junior a couple of years ago at his usual work-post at
Dairy Ashford and Memorial. I had noticed that he was always there every single
workday, M-F, 7am- 7pm, rain or shine, hot or cold -and that he never missed
work. When I stopped to buy a Chronicle from him, I asked him if he worked for
commission. He explained to me that they have to buy their own newspapers to
sell, and that they often lose money, so I decided to start getting my
Chronicles from him. I could see how hard he was working, and I just wanted to
give my business to him.
I
got to chatting with him one hot summer day during the heat wave when I
stopped by to check on him and bring him some cold water, and just see how he
was holding up. (It was 100 degrees & 100% humidity, & high noon!) He
said, “Oh I don’t mind the heat, it’s the cold I don’t like!” Hehe. There’s
a Texan for ya!
I
have a great deal of respect for Mr. Quinn. He is a reliable, hard-working
contributor to society. He inspires me because he focuses on what he can do,
not on what he can’t. When I see him working so hard every day, I see a guy who
views his challenges as merely minor setbacks or slight inconveniences rather
than as disabilities.
Junior
was born with Muscular Sclerosis and Polio and now has limited mobility, so he relies
on his chair to get around. He was able to walk until 1994. He told me a story of how
his cousin Norma would come over and help him into his arm and leg braces so he
could exercise, but when she wasn’t around, the nursing home would just leave
him in the bed all day and his muscles got weak.
Now
his chair is his source of independence and freedom, but it is in bad shape. He
really needs a new one, but he doesn’t have that kind of money. They’re very
expensive.
Quinn
lost his good chair in an accident on the job at the Chronicle not too long ago.
A car hit him and badly injured him, and damaged the chair so much so that it
needed replacing. Unfortunately, the chair they’ve replaced it with doesn’t even
compare to the one he had before. It doesn’t meet the needs of such an active
person with a full-time outdoor job, not to mention the fact that he takes the
bus to and from work every day and the sidewalks are bad- There isn’t even a
sidewalk ramp to his post.
I
just hope and pray that someone out there can help Junior get the chair he so
desperately needs so that he can keep his independence, and be safe on the job. That chair he has right
now loses power and has left him stranded. And you can’t push those
electric chairs either! I worry he’ll try to make it up the curb and lose
power and turn it over into the intersection, or that he’ll be stuck sitting
all alone in a dark parking lot all night one night, or even worse break down
in the middle of the busy street.
Junior works a full-time job outdoors in busy traffic and in all kinds of weather. Doesn’t he deserve a top of the line chair? Is there somebody out there who can help?
Please?
Give God The Glory
Nov 13, 2007 | 3:17 PM PST
Category:
Faith
My motto is: "Give God The Glory".
My husband has heard me say it so many times that it is becoming his motto now, too. Things don't just coincidentally go right for us, God makes it happen. When we love Him and pray to Him and give Him thanks and praise, we choose to serve Him.
I have been praying since last night for God to intercede for my husband at his job. To summarize, he has a deadline to get his software ready to go on-line for testing by Friday. He has all of the information he needs from his supervisors, but there are a few people in a few departments who just don't care about his deadline.
Today one woman today told him to come back in 15 minutes, when he came back in 25 minutes as he was waiting politely for her to finish her conversation with another woman, the other woman pointed to him and said "Oh, and don't let these guys bother you." And they just ignored him altogether.
My husband went back to his supervisor and explained to her how without that information he won't be able to meet the deadline on Friday even if he works 12 hours a day. She was shocked at the way they have been treating him. A few minutes later he got a call from someone telling him they have all of the information that he needs and to just come over.
My husband called me to tell me about it and I of course reminded him to "Give God the glory!".
In Exodus 14 God instructs Moses to lead the Israelites away from Egypt down by the Red Sea. God says to Moses:
"But I will gain glory for myself through Pharaoh and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD."
By giving God glory we choose to serve Him, and God doesn't fail.
