Blinky's Veiw Point

Only in America is a person denied the inalienable right to be a perfect
dumb ass!





I got this sent from a lady-friend of mine.  The mere thoughts brought
tears to my eyes.

 What you women go through!

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
    promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors,
    Nair and
    now...the wax.

    My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home,
    fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
    painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull
    the waxing
    kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my
    demise: the
    bathroom.

    It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump
    of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get
    warm and you
    peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you
    pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I
    mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
    figure this
    out. (YA THINK!?!)

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
    each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
    kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
    ("Cold
    wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the
    skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best
    feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no
    longer eludes me!
    I am She-rah,fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
    extraordinaire.

    With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
    kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
    championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

   Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the
    right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my
    *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes,
    it was a
    long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
    Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
    strip.

    BLEEP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and
    spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear
    crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

    I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one
    that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
    I want
    to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up
    the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???

    WHERE IS THE WAX???

    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
    toilet.

    I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
    touching *wax!*

    BLEEP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
    body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make
    the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on
    the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

    DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
    *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut!
    Butt?? Sealed shut!

    I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
    what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to
    poop. My
    head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!!
    Hot water melts wax!!!

    I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,
    get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can
    gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that
    used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I
    sit.

    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions
    glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the
    bottom
    of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt
    cold wax.

    So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I
    had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

    God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
    ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before
    and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
    conversation
    starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom
    of the tub!"

    There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
    tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
    She wants
    know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
    who-ha?"

    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her
    the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the
    box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's
    night.

    While we go through various solutions. I resort to
    scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have
    your girlie
    goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
    hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

    By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
    major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress
    counseling for this event.

    My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my
    saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What
    do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
    GOD!!!!!!!

    The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens
    out of my friend.

    It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
    works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and
    she hangs up.

    I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
    notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
    IT!!!!!!!!!!

    So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
    Nothing  hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

    Next week I'm going to try hair color......
    Now that's funny ........ Notttttttttt.
 

***This is just a joke No real who-ha's were Hurt in the making of this Entertainment,so laugh Ladies...lol