cdemerson's Blog

I felt that maybe I should do a part two to my already controversial blog on criminals and 2nd chances. The reason why is because I felt that maybe people didnt understand why I felt so passionate about the subject. Well you know how the saying goes, you cant judge a man until you have walked in his shoes.. so here goes...

I must repeat that I agree that crime does not pay. So I felt that maybe I should give an example through my own life experiences. I am sure that many of you have heard of the Texas Youth Commission and the scandel that hit last year..

Well what you saw and heard in the news wasnt the half of it. I happen to be a youth in custody of this juvenile facility back in 2003. I was always medicated diagnosed early in my incarceration as severly depressed and having a really bad anger problem, i do forget the terminlogy used. Anyway in this place I was steadily having emotional problems resulting in numerous amount of medication being experimented on me to see if one or the other might help.

Some of them would make me more agitated while some made me calm without emotion at all. During one of these medication trials, I was in one of my moods and refused to go to my room. I stood in the middle of the dorm area and refused to budge. Needless to say this is considered a disruption of program, a regulated reason to physically restrain a youth and place them in mechanical restraints. This was done in a forceful and improper manner. I did not resist but was brought down hard to the ground and dragged to my room.

When I got in the room my legs and arms was restrained in leather belts. My nose was bleeding from hitting the ground face first and the top of my lips and cheeks were rug burned from being dragged across the floor. No medical attention was given to me at that time. The next day they sent a nurse to take pictures of my face, the other staff she went out and filed adult charges outside of TYC saying I had assaulted her. What really happened is she acted inappropriately by climbing on top of me while in restraints and applying pressure to my arms which were tied behind me. In an act of pain I begin to scream and try to wiggle my way from under her. Some way or another she got a purple blotch or bruise on her side. I was 18 she was a staff in a juvenile facility she cried assault and I got charged as an adult.

Today,  I am 23. I have never been to prison, never stole nothing, never even intentionally hit another human being. My lawyer thought it would be smart to do an open plea in court instead of fighting a case in what I know I could have beat. Facing a 2-10 year sentence for assault on a public servant I panicked at the thought of losing. So I agreed to a deferred sentence under the pretense that if I did what I was suppose to do this case would not affect my life. Well sorry it did.

I was released early from probation for good behavior in which I immediately went to Security Academy and became qualified as a commissioned security officer. I obtained employment with a security company for 3 months while I awaited licensing from Austin. Needless to say it was rebuked stating I had a felony and had to wait until 2010 in which I would have the opportunity to have my case expunged. I was fired, and thus ends me here. I have been working at numerous fast food places.. unhappy because my talent and skill belongs elsewhere. I live with my mom because apartments continuously deny me because of this felony. And I still continue to keep my head up.

I am constantly writing letters and blogs to tell my story. Fighting for a cause nobody seems to care about. I am a good person, I have changed my life as a bad teenager and am now a crime free young woman. This happened at 18, I was punished but you see nobody see's the anguish I go through because everyday I still remain imprisoned. I am no longer on medication but I still find myself depressed. But not because of what I went through as a child... no that has been replaced with the realization that the dream I have will never come true. I am stuck in the classification of a criminal.

So you look at my story and tell me that you still believe that our laws are correct. That our system works. Because it doesnt, I changed my life not because of prison being a detterant or I was scared of losing my freedom. No, I changed because I matured and learned how to better handle my emotions and because I wanted to be a better person. I am fighting for those people out there like myself who have made similiar mistakes and are paying for them .

We dont deserve this. If you give us a 2nd chance, then really mean it. Someone hire me, let me earn my money and my right to be a member of society. You are not God, so you can not judge me for my past transgressions. If He can forgive, Why cant we? And even if God, is not who you believe in. Then think of it this way... if you fall once, wouldnt you appreciate your neighbor helping you walk again?