Greg_Groogan's Blog

We can't do that with our children with autism. We have to be consistent 100% of the time. It's exhausting. I think if all parents took applied behavior analysis it would help them. The ABC's of behavior. The antecedent (what came before the behavior), the behavior, and then the consequence (or what happens after the behavior). I'll give you an observation while at my sister's house. My niece is going to bed. She doesn't want to go. (That's the antecedent). The behavior: She sobs and tells my sister she wants her to come lay down with her because she wants some alone time with her (the behavior). The consequence--my sister goes lays down with her. In this case, the consequence needs to change. She needs to be told, go to bed, we'll have one-on-one time tomorrow. The end. I was playing a game with my two nieces and this same niece was distracted by the TV. I told her, "the game or TV, make a choice." She said "The game." I turned off the TV. She got up, stomped off, and started sobbing. I continued playing the game with my other niece. I didn't go in. She comes out of her room, wondering why I didn't come running in after her. She calmed down, came out and said, TV. I said, "that's fine, too," and put the TV back on.

Once you open the door for exceptions, the kids will exploit that and you lose total credibility. As far as rewards, working towards something you want is a good lesson if done correctly. If you bring home all A's, you can have this ____ (fill in the blank). If you have perfect attendance, we'll go to ____ restaurant and celebrate.

I'm lucky...my kid has never been one to ask for things, even if she's openly admiring something, and you ask her if she wants it, most of the time she'll say, no, that's okay, I don't want it.
I did use bribery though, when she was a toddler, preschooler, and in kindergarten..usually it was, "if you're good, you can have some popcorn and an icee", or "if ya'll behave during our errands, we'll stop at McDonalds." It always worked.
I don't use bribery anymore--she's 10, and old enough to understand that you can't have everything you want when you want it. She earns her American Girl dolls, for example..if she gets As & Bs, she gets a new doll, if she gets straight As, she gets the doll with an accessory pack. I don't think of that as bribery..to me its the same as earning a bonus for top performance at work. If it's a little something she wants, a Barbie, a CD or DVD, whatever, she has to use her own money.
However, when it comes to books, I don't set a limit..you always want them to read!!

I have a great ability to tune out my children. Now, they've learned repetition doesn't work.

When my children ask my wife or I for something and we say, "No" we generally try to explain a reason. Though our special needs daughter doesn't always understand, she has learned to accept, "Because Mommy and Daddy think it is best for you" as an answer.

One other thing we did with our eldest daughter was to institute a "fine for whine." If she whined about being told "no" she had to pay a quarter for each whine. Then we had her donate the money to charity.

When my 42 year old brother was growing up we (we have 6 siblings) would tease him about crying and bribe him with money mostly to get him to do things that were expected of him, chores, etc. Now, I know the consequences of my actions. This has ruined a very compassionate and intelligent man. He overcome drug abuse and now has become an alcoholic and a royal jerk. The rest of his brothers and sisters have all turned out well.

This type of behavior has been going on for longer than just the past few years.