Dread-Head's Blog

Skyder and I are currently disagreeing on  history. I theorize that given a set of variables certain historical events were destined to unfold. He states that there is no way of knowing for certain how something may or may NOT have happened.  Consider the following. What IF John McClellan had used Robert E. Lee's battle plans when he discovered them in 1861 rather than ignoring them? What if the South had won the civil war? What if we had never annexed Hawaii? Would we have been involved in WW II? What if Sinclair had never written The Jungle? Would the USDA have come into existence? What would America had been like had Adelai Stephenson been elected President or if either of the Kennedy brothers hadn't been assasinated? I theorize that there are several scenarios which would have likely played themselves out...and my esteemed blogging colleague respectfully disagrees. What do YOU guys think?

Okay, so I'm chillin' in my cocina (kitchen) with a cup of cottage cheese with some banana and blueberries and I'm watching a little Tv. This show comes on called "The Hills" which in so far as I can deduce is about some vacuous, blonde bimbo named Heidi and a Ken Doll who appears to be a vinegar and water filled feminine-hygiene product  who they were calling Spencer has light blonde hair and it trying to grow a goatee and not with a great deal of success.        I could feel my I.Q. plummet as this mental ptomaine attempted to infect my grey matter. Someone told me it's supposed to be a reality show...but it's scripted. WHAT? Heidi and her GF Spencer appear in clubs but won't do so "for less than $100,000." I saw Spencer on Letterman and this came out and Letterman roared with laughter and asked:
"$ 100,000. What, do you bring a Pony for the kids to ride?"  Wow. There are real actors and writers in Hollywood who are waiting tables and parking cars and these walking commercials for zero population growth are making a fortune by just showing up in clubs? Wow. This is what passes for entertainment? Self absorbed mental midgets with delusions of adequacy? 
         Many Americans couldn't pick Anne Rice or Amy Tan out of a lineup as books are slowly becoming Kryptonite (thank you Chris Rock) to many Americans but these two people are respected? Wow.  That makes as much sense as giving a reality show to a spoiled debutaunte and her sisters because she sleeps with black guys on video tape and is romantically linked to a running back with a mediocre football team. Fortunately nothing that ridiculous could ever happen right? 

Heard you missed me I'm back. Many of you might have wondered where I've been for the better part of the summer, others may have been relieved that I was gone. Regardless I've spent the months of June and July with my first love...the writing process. I've done something I've wanted to do since 1987. I wrote a novel! I might start to work on a second one in a few weeks, but I'm going to vegg out and watch movies for a couple of weeks. If any of you know anyone in the publishing game hook a brother up!
Dread-head
P.S. Pattie Shieh is still my favorite cutasian.

Greetings all from the one who's "happy to be nappy" (hopefully 90's rap group Naughty by Nature doesn't sue me for stealing that) to explain my absence as of late. I won't go into detail, BUT I'm in the midst of a project which had been a dream of mine until recently. I won't say anymore for now, but it's taking a fair amount of the time I'd normally spend bloggine. When I've completed this undertaking I'll let you guys know something.

As per the Jose/Sabila question as to which celebrity I most resemble? My mom and several of my friends say I look a lot like Spencer Tillman. Personally I don't see it.

later people

Dread-Head

BTW, What the heck ever happened to Coca-cola Beth?

 

As a heterosexual male I'm about as entertained by Sex & the City as the "average" cosmopolital drinking woman is by Sports Center, Hemingway novels, war movies, electronics, hunting, fishing & barbequeing.  I tried watching the show in question when a female friend of mine urged me that if I gave it a chance I'd like it. I thought the women in question were more obsessed with actually BEING in a relationship than in being in a HEALTHY one and seemed fascinated by over priced shoes and Manhattanite status.

      Uh okay.  Don't take this the wrong way ladies, but most men view shoes as a covering for our feet and can't reconcile spending several hundred to a few thousand on a pair. We look at a wallet as a place to carry our money and NOT an accessory to show off to other guys.

    Also the average GUY is smart enough to know that if we're sleeping with a married WOMAN (as one of the characters was having an affair with a married MAN) and she eventually gets with us we can't hope to have a REAL relationship with her as we already KNOW that she's prone to cheat.  Carrie Bradshaw hooked up with "Mr. Big" when he was still married and spent the duration of the show either chasing or pining after him. Most men know if I woman will cheat for you she'll cheat on you.

     I mean no disrespect ladies, but PLEASE explain the immense popularity about the show that Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane (in the guise of Brian Griffin) referred to as "A show about three hookers and their mother."

 

Dear *Crazy old Lady,

                                     Let me say for the record that I'm getting you a mother's day present out of protest because I truly feel that it's a made up greeting card holiday and I know you would give me a ton of guilt if I did not.

                                    Each day that I know I can pick up the phone and hear your voice or drop by your place to have you try to make me eat something destined to elevate my blood pressure and cholesterol to me is mother's day.  Each time I hear that nasally voice of yours and wonder why a woman from rural Louisiana sounds like she's from Long Island to me is mother's day.

                                Mother's day to me is any time I remember the first time you dropped me off at school, or all the times you helped me with my homework.  It's  whenever I remember all of the childhood activities chorus, pop warner football, cub scouts, ROTC,  drama & band that you made me participate in that I found myself enjoying.  Mothers day to me is remembering every pot of soup you made me when I had a cold or flu or just didn't feel right.

                     Mother's day to me is  you telling me that I should follow my dreams and that as long as I kept persuing my dream I could never consider myself a failure. Mothers day to me is for all the times I came to you emotionally broken and you believed in me more than I believed in myself.  Mothers day is when I remember the proud look you had on your face the day you attended my college commencement.

                  Mothers day is each time you give me the benefit of your character judgements and remind me that there are still good people out there.  Mother's day happens each time I find myself in a situation where I could easily do something that would benefit me greatly at someone else's expense but do the right thing because I know it's what YOU would have done.

               Every day in which I KNOW you're still on this planet and love your eccentric youngest child, his "strange" hairstyle, his love of "Weird" foods, his crazy older brother and 3 older sisters and all their kids is mother's day.  Each time I see you and say "I love you mom" rather than "goodbye" is Mother's day to me. 

           To me trying to say how I feel about you on only ONE day is insulting to the way I feel about you and everything you've ever done for me.  You're the person I love most in the world and the 365 days in the year for the past 38 years have been one beautiful Mother's day.

Your son,

                 Jesse

P.S.  I love you "Crazy old lady."

*"Crazy Old Lady" is my nickname/term of endearment for my mother and has been for some time. It's not used in a disrespectful manner.

D'art,

         I have a concept that I wanted to pitch to you.  It won't take up too much of your valuable time as I know you're a very busy man. If you can sir drop me an e-mail handy_otokosan@yahoo.com and I will happily give you a brief treatment of what I think would be a great program. Thank you for your time.

Respectfully,

                         Jesse J. Handy/Dread-head

Out of sheer curiosity. When is the next Blooger picnic gonna happen? I'd love to see Texas-Debs and her husband, Snoopy, yahyahmoro, Unbelievabull and Storm Chaser again...

 

The Houston Japanese festival will be Saturday April 5 & Sunday April 6th.  I attend this thing every year and hope to see you guys there.  My Avitar pic is one of the ponto bridges from the garden as Andrea "The Glam" Watkins will attest. Just playin' with ya Andrea.  I wonder if they'll have okonomiyaki (my favorite food on the planet)this year. :-)  *Arrigatoo gozaimasu,  ni otono shimi ni! Jana!

Dread-head sempai

*(Translation) "Thank you very much and see you later! Bye!"

 

I started ice skating roughly about a year ago when I purchased a pair of old leather hockey skates (circa 1960 something) at a yard sale for a buck. The regulars at the rink where I skate jokingly call my blades "Museum pieces". Wanting to preserve my "musuem pieces" I decided to go out and buy a new pair of skates.

       I love to skate but I'm not a professional hockey player so I just can't reconcile paying between $200.00 and $500.00 for a pair of hockey skates. I found one place that had skates for $40.00 but of course they didn't have them in my size and told me they didn't know when they'd be getting in more skates.

     DOES ANYONE know where I can get an exexpensive pair of hockey skates?

My birthday is two days before Christmas and as a kid I found this to be a HUGE pain in the butt. Cheapskates who didn't get me a birthday gift (but would get mega-pissed when I didn't get them one on THEIR birthdays in July) usually gave me the whole "Oh but your birthday's so close to Chirstmas." My response wait until their birthday and use the same tired excuse.

"Sorry Frank. I didn't get you anything, your June 22nd  birthday's just so close to Christmas." Seven years ago I realized that Christmas is a day that I should spend in prayer and reflection about my faith so the whole shopping/gift bonanza thing doesn't even factor in anymore.  My birthday? Well that's kind of different. Since I was 16 I've viewed my birthday as a day which brings me closer to a hole in the ground somewhere.

         Every year on my birthday I think about all the things in my life that I'm NOT to crazy about and spend MY day avoiding my family and friends. This year I realize that (while I'm a little closer to it) I'm not working behind a camera yet, I'm still single and not even seeing anyone at present, and I still haven't gotten any stamps on my passport yet. My birthday MO becomes "Dread-head" (substituting my moniker here for my real name) "Wheabouts unknown!" I wake up early, have a stong cup of coffee and avoid the known world. I might go to the park, I might go to a movie I WILL go to a Japanese restaurant in ClearLake and get a tanjobi no okonomiyaki and then quietly return home.  Am I wrong for thinkin' like this?

 

Every so often someone does a  contest where the winner gets to fly anywhere (in the 48 continuous states excluding Alaska and Hawaii) that they want to go. Forget that! If you won two tickets to ANYWHERE! Where would "Anywhere" be and who would you bring with you?

Just the other day I was sitting back exiting the throes of a medatative state...and learned that those GOD-AWFUL reality shows (which outnumber scripted tv seemingly) have their own awards show. The who's who of "has beens" and "I really wish I was" types. The creme de la creme of wanna-be's showed up to give themselves the pat on the back that we as a society are smart enough NOT to give them.

       My future brother-in-law Sanjaya was there (singing off key) but his goddess of a sister (my future bride) was nowhere in site. Infamous Hoodrat and self proclaimed reality Diva "New York" (and star of "I love New York" was there proving to the world that the American public schools are failing us as a society.  Every chump who was on Survivor was there to brag about eating rats and being in an adult version of Lord of the Flies (Without the Conch or the pigs) and generally did that which they are slightly famous for...wasting TV air time.

      Why hasn't there been a reality show award before this year? Uh...maybe because reality TV is nothing more than cheap, sleazy, lazy network executives who are too lazy or too stupid to come up with original ideas for SCRIPTED dramas and sitcoms.

Rather than giving us more programs like Ken Burns' documentaries or well scripted original comedies like "My Name is Earl" or dramas like "House" the networks would rather give us cheaply produced garbage staring idiots who'll do ANYTHING to be on TV and that my friends is a sad statement on our society.

 

Ladies and gents welcome to the 1st Bi annual Dread-head awards. The Dreads are awarded in all feilds of endeavor to individuals who distinguish themselves from the rest of us via either their deeds or the circumstances. So without further ado...the Dread Heads.

1. The "What the DUCK?" Award.  Yes "duck" is a substitution here. This award goes to Houston Astros owner Drayton McClean for firing Phil Garner and the Astros' GM....whose name I can't remember. Drayton...DUDE less than two years ago these two guys and the decisions they made brought your franchise to the ONLY World Series in it's HISTORY. And you reward them by FIRING THEM? Dang I hope I'm never your personal assistant and arrive 2 mins late with your dry cleaning. Here's your award sir.

2.  The "Benedict Arnold" Award. This award is given to Wade Phillips son of Houston Oiler coaching LEGEND (and ex Marine) Oriel A. "Bum" Phillps. Wade gets the award for taking the job as head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. Wade have you forgotten the Luv ya Blue days when the Cowboys and their fans rubbed our noses in ANY success they had no matter HOW trivial it was?  They're the enemy man! HOW COULD YOU! HANGYOURHEADINSHAME!  And get your award.

3. The "Talking out the side of your neck" Award. For those unfamilar with hood terminology "talking out the side of your neck" is a euphamism for lying your @ss off.  In this case it's being given out for hypocricy. The recipient? President George W. Bush for sending American troops to "protect freedom & democracy" in Iraq and to stop Alquaida (because it was NEVER ABOUT weapons of mass destruction) while Ignoring the fact that the Sudanese government HARBORED OSAMA BIN-LADIN for FIVE YEARS and currently is engaging in genocidal activities. Why don't we protect the "freedom" of these oil-less people? Nevermind.  Send someone to get your award sir...then disavow any knowledge that the award exist.

4. The "It's good to be here at...see ya!" Award.  This award is given to someone who leaves a place so quickly that they d@mned near bump into themselves on the way in.  This year's recipient? Jan Jeffcoat. Jan Jeffcoat barely unpacked her suitcases here in Houston before she jumped ship and ran off to Chicago. Dang Jan. Honey if you fill out TOO many change of address cards in a year the post office gets more confused than they already are....trust me we don't need that.

5. The "Rehab Frequent Flyer Miles" Award. This year's recipient? The one...the only my future wife/exwife...Lindsay Lohan! She's in...she's out. She's gone...she's back!  Is that overpriced spa/rehab center just a big revolving door somewhere? Isn't the purpose of rehab to get you off drugs and alcohol? I guess the place she goes to only means to deprive you of alcohol and drugs....WHILE YOU'RE THERE! Congrats Lindsay I'll leave the award on your nightstand next time I'm over red.

6.  The "Biggest Collective Waste of Space" Award. This is the only group award and this one goes to a group of people whose existence is a mystery. Collectively they seem to waste money and accomplish ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Congratulations Iraqi Parliament! You guys have earned it! Seriously. As a group of elected officials you're responsible for your OWN country getting it's act together, writing a constitution, raising an army and all that jazz...but rather than do THAT you've elected to sit on your fat overpaid @sses, collect paychecks and let the UNITED STATES DO ALL THE WORK While your people suffer. Congrats you idiots! Why don't you form a committee who in turn forms a subcommitee who will form a fact finding group that picks up your award.

7.  The "Best Use of a Sibling for Personal Gain" Award. This one goes to American Idol contestant Sanjaya! Sanjaya wasn't a bad singer (he wouldn't have passed the auditions) but he certainly wasn't the best. This BRILLIANT enterprising young man placed his busty Hindu Goddess of a sister in the audience (usually wearing a tank top that was three sizes too small ) who frequently danced or simply jumped up and down with delight and kept freaks, geeks, an weirdos (like me) voting for the man over...and over...and OVER again. Congrat's Sanjaya!...Now send your sister by to pick up your award.

8. The "Cuddley-sexy-cute" Award. This award goes to someone who manages to be cuddley and cute (which are usually connected) and still manages to be sexy as H#ll. The recipient? KRIV's own Pattie Sheih! The cutasian (my own word) lady has a good head on her shoulders and pulls off the cuddley-sexy-cute trifecta! Congrats my sister!

And finally the "Negro Please" Award. This award is given to an African American who either test our collective intelligence or proves to have none of his own. The recipient this time 'round? Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick! Congrats my brother! You had a DREAM job playing QB for an NFL franchise. You were THE star player and your name was synonimous with the team itself. You were frequently refered to as "future hall of famer" Mike Vick...and you threw it all away because YOU and some of  your hood-rat buddies liked to make pit bulls fight to the death. You essentially threw away a mountain of cash, your reputation and football immortality because you and your friends ignored the fact that a cruel bloodsport is illegal. NEGRO PLEASE! Take your award fool.  Better yet have your lawyers get it. Well there you have it ladies and gents I'll do another one of these in 6 months. Until then either impress me or annoy me and you might get yourself a Dread-head...award.

  

 

The other night I'm watching Jimmy Kimmel and saw some over paid blonde model who's hosting a show on cable where girls are competing for a modeling contract and she said unlike Tyra's show "Top Model" the girls didn't have to do "silly challenges" because modeling is "hard enough as it is."

        Modeling is hard? What planet are these bimbos from where they think that gettting your picture taken in your underwear:

a. is working

b. is hard work?

Am I missing something? Are they making Heidi Klum unload trucks in the hot summer sun in the Carribean after she gets her pic taken in a bikini? Is Gisselle being forced to work behind a sales counter after walking down a runway in Milan? Were Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell forced to drive forklifts or work in factories at the end of a day of getting their pictures taken in bikinis and lingerie? Are these women making minimum wage to have their pictures taken?

        I can't recall ever having heard Cindy Crawfold say to Elle McPherson.

"Do you remember that shoot for Sports Illustrated in San Maritz?"

"Oh yeah. We had to buy our own tickets, stay in a fleabag motel and after the shoot we had to gut fish all night in that cannery! for minimum wage."

"Man, if only the general public knew just how hard we models had to work when we're not getting our pictures taken."

"Yeah honey. The price of fame. Modeling is so hard."

"Amen sister."

Personally I think anytime a model says something STUPID like "Modeling is hard" or a professional baseball player like Jeff Bagwell says how a collective bargaining agreement is "Like wage slavery" They should be forced to spend a year on a REAL job paying REAL bills, living in the kind of place they would live if they had REAL JOBS and be forced to drive the kind of cars they'd have if they weren't rich, out of touch and stupid.  What do YOU guys think?